Christmas has always been such a magical and special time for me, because I come from a family who loves Christmas. My grandmother loved surprises and family, and always gathered everyone at her house. She loved the planning, preparing the food, the gifts, the pitch card games. My mom also loved Christmas and she loved to give and receive presents. She loved Santas and lights, and I have inherited that love of Christmas from both of them.
Last year, though, Christmas was really hard. My mom was sick, and big decisions had to be made. The decision to put a loved one in a nursing home is a terrible decison to have to make. First of all, because the loved one doesn't really want to go, and those who love her don't want her to go either. I had to worry about my dad; caring for her had become such a huge physical burden, finding caregivers was becoming more difficult, and the time had just come when I felt that she would get better services in the nursing home. It was really terrible though; the nursing home was great, many of the people who worked there I had known my entire life, and many of the residents there I had also known my entire life, and still it was awful. We tried hard to bring things with us that would provide comfort to her, and still she cried because she didn't want us to leave her there. It seemed the only decision to make; and yet, looking back, I wish it could have been different. Because this Christmas will be my first Christmas without my mom, and I miss her so.
I have been so blessed in my life though; 42 Christmas were spent at my grandma's house. She died at Christmas, and gave us all one last gift; everyone returned to Grandma's house that year, even my sister, to celebrate Bomi's life and Christmas. This year, after 53 Christmases with my mom and dad, I will celebrate Christmas without them. My mom died in March, and my dad has gone to Florida to be with my sister's family, and I, of course, want to spend Christmas with the newest member of my family, little ER.
And because of the Marvelous Macy and little ER, I have learned that Christmas is still magical after all. The memories are good ones, because I have such a special family to share Christmas with. Even though I won't have all of my family with me this Christmas, I will carry each and everyone of them in my heart, and I will thank God for my many blessings, for I know that He, too, gave up His Loved One for us, the One whose birth we celebrate at Christmas, the One who is really the magic of Christmas.
Merry Christmas to all!
1 comment:
Wow, how beautifully said. You have really captured so many of our feelings this Christmas season. It is sad that we will not all be together, but we know that we are together in spirit. Plus we get to bring in the new year together...who better to do that with than your family. I have so enjoyed reading your blog. I love your writing style and the heart you put into it. Good job!!
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